


Captive

by piano4life1997



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Cussing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive use of the word fuck, Flashbacks, Fury is kind of an asshole, HYDRA sucks, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Is it still kidnapped if he's grown?, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nick Fury is Not Amused, Nightmares, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Schmidt and Rumlow want revenge, Slow Burn, Steve Has Issues, Steve Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve gets captured, Steve gets kidnapped, steve loses a lot of weight, they're working on it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 18:51:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11789286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piano4life1997/pseuds/piano4life1997
Summary: “I got ‘em. I got ‘em,” Bucky doesn’t think twice about smashing the lock and barging into the tiny cell.  What he’s not expecting is for a malnourished, dirty and bleeding Steve to scramble away from him with sheer terror in his eyes.“Not again,” Steve’s shoulders slam into the corner of the room harshly as he croaks out, “Please. Not again.”---Steve is captured by Hydra before Bucky can tell him about his feelings for him. During the year he spends as their prisoner, they manage to twist his brain up so much that he's terrified of his best friend.  Will Bucky ever get the chance to tell Steve he loves him?





	Captive

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stucky fic so I'm sorry if anything seems a little odd or OOC!! Please please please tell me what you think and how I can improve. It would make my day to hear from you in the comments. :D
> 
> Also - I'm not sure when the next chapter will be finished and posted, but I'm definitely going to finish this story. It's my goal for the end of the summer.

Steve looks around at the swarm of Hydra agents filing into the small clearing. Backup should be there soon. They just have to last long enough for it to get to them. Wanda presses harder into his back and guilt clenches at Steve’s throat. She’s counting on him to get her out of this. 

“Bucky?” Steve tries, nudging the prone man with his boot. But Bucky is still out of it from whatever was in the dart that nailed him in the neck a few minutes ago. 

“M’here, Stevie, I gotchu covered,” Bucky slurs. He blearily lifts his head and looks around, but then he groans and his cheek slams back into the dirt. 

“Wanda how’s your head?” Steve glances back at her, “Think you can take a couple of ‘em out?” The gash on Wanda’s head is still bleeding and Steve’s almost certain she’s got a nasty concussion. He’s not surprised that it’s messing with her powers. 

“I’ll try, Steve,” she nearly whispers. Steve sets his jaw and nods, shifting his grip on his shield and staring down the swarm of agents. He’s cataloguing the area and trying to come up with some sort of plan when a group in front of them parts and a man strolls into the clearing with his arms crossed behind his back. Steve’s skin crawls at the sight. He thought he got rid of this guy 70 years ago. 

“It’s been a long time, Captain America,” Red Skull bellows across the clearing. He’s in black tac-gear that’s eerily familiar to his clothing choice during the War.

“What do you want, Schmidt?” Steve turns so he’s completely shielding Wanda. 

“You never were one for pleasantries, Captain. Where’s the rest of your little team?” he sneers, “It won’t matter much anyway. I’ve come to reclaim the Asset for Hydra. To take back what is rightfully ours.” 

Steve stands protectively over Bucky and glares at the man that’s stopped a few yards away from them. “That’s not gonna happen.” 

“I figured as much. You will do just as well,” Schmidt’s hands are still behind his back and he doesn’t give Steve a chance to interrupt him. “You see, Captain, you are outnumbered. Not even the great Captain America can defeat me and my agents while keeping your two little friends alive.” Steve clenches his fist and takes a step forward. “Ah ah ah,” Schmidt clicks his tongue, “I could have already murdered them, Captain. Take a look. Just come with me and they both will be left unharmed.” 

Steve drops his gaze to Bucky and his breath catches when he sees the unmistakable red beam of a laser sight on the side of his head. Bucky might have his own version of the Serum, but he sure as hell can’t survive a direct bullet to the brain. Wanda makes a distressed noise, and Steve looks back at her.

“Steve. They’re aiming at my heart.” 

His gaze drops to the ground. _They can’t die. He can’t let them die._

_Theycan’tdiebecauseofhimtheycan’tdietheycan’tdie._

Steve takes a step back. “Listen Wanda,” he says under his breath, “Whatever happens -- It isn’t your fault. It isn’t Bucky’s fault. This is my decision. It’s the only thing I can do to give you a trying chance.” 

“Steve, no --” 

“Tell Buck I’m sorry. ‘Till the end of the line,” he whispers fiercely. A tear trails down Wanda’s cheek as she grabs Steve’s hand and squeezes it hard. 

“I will.” 

“Your time is running short, Captain,” Schmidt says with a delighted smile as he watches their conversation. Steve squares his shoulders, sucks in a breath, and clenches his jaw. 

The metal clangs loudly as he drops his shield and walks forward. A shiver runs down his spine as Schmidt’s laughter echoes through the clearing. 

“You always make the right decision, Captain,” he sneers. 

“I’ll go with you. Now let my friends go,” Steve says. The muscle in his jaw twitches as he glares at the man. 

“Ah yes. Your friends will be fine,” he makes a swift motion with his hand. Both of the red dots move to Steve’s chest and the Hydra agents march toward them. “Don’t flinch,” Schmidt advises before drawing a syringe filled with a bright yellow liquid out of his coat. 

“Steve, don’t!” The clearing fills with the sounds of at least a dozen guns being cocked and aimed at Wanda. She freezes instantly and a few more tears stream down her face. Steve turns around and gives her a half-hearted smile. _It’ll be okay. You’ll both be safe._

He sees Wanda’s eyes widen right before Schmidt plunges the needle into his neck.

He barely registers the pain as his knees slam into the ground. His vision gets hazy and he falls forward, barely catching himself on his hands. The last thing he sees before his vision completely fades to black is Wanda fumbling for his shield and using it to protect herself and Bucky from the bullets. 

\---

“Bucky! Bucky please wake up,” Wanda sobs into his chest. She’s exhausted and her head hurts. Whether it’s from where she hit it or from crying, she doesn’t know. They took him. They took Steve. He went with them to keep her and Bucky safe and _she needs Bucky to wake up because she doesn’t know what to do anymore._

“Wanda?” Bucky lifts his head a little and groans, rubbing his temples. He gets his bearings and then realizes she’s crying. “Wanda, what happened? Are you hurt?” She cries harder and Bucky sits up. He looks around frantically. “Where’s Steve? What happened?” He wraps his arms around her, trying his best to provide some sort of comfort. Steve is usually the one that does this. He’s so much better at it than Bucky is, but he’s nowhere to be found.

“I’m so sorry, Bucky. I’m so sorry,” she takes a deep breath. Dread pools in the pit of Bucky’s stomach at her words. “They took him. Steve -- Steve is gone.” 

Bucky closes his eyes but refuses to let the words sink in. Steve can’t be dead. The clearing is empty. He has to stay calm. He has to keep his emotions in check because the team needs him. Wanda needs him, right now. “Wands, whaddya mean? Tell me what happened.” He puts his hands on her shoulders and gently pushes her back so he can look at her face. 

“He told me to tell you he was sorry, Bucky. ‘Till the end of the line. And that it wasn’t our fault that he left with them. He said it was his decision. That it was the only way to give us a chance. You were unconscious and I couldn’t get a grip on my powers and there were lasers and guns and Red Skull was threatening us and --” 

“Hey woah, woah. Wanda slow down. Red Skull?” 

Wanda wasn’t stupid. She knew the man Steve referred to as Schmidt was the infamous Red Skull that Steve had supposedly defeated before plunging his plane into the Arctic. “He was back, Bucky. He was back and wanted Steve to go with him and he threatened us to get him to go.” She pointedly leaves out the part where Schmidt had said he came for the Winter Soldier because Bucky doesn’t need to feel any more guilt right now. 

“It’s okay Wanda. We’ll find him. It’ll be alright. Steve’ll be alright.” Bucky tries to convince himself as much as her. They both look up when they hear the tell-tale sound of Tony’s repulsors flying overhead. He lands in front of them and his face plate swings open. 

“What the hell happened? Something’s jamming your comms.” He presses on his arm and some kind of scanner pops out. He sweeps it across the clearing and strides toward the edge of the woods when it beeps. As he gets farther away, he shouts over his shoulder. “We ran into a ... sticky situation and when we could finally get the hell out we couldn’t contact you or find you on the map. Sam and Redwing are flying around somewhere, too. Natasha and Clint are on foot.” He disappears into the treeline for a second before Bucky and Wanda see a yellow repulsor blast and something explodes. 

“-- not seeing anything. Stark, any luck?” Sam’s voice crackles to life over the comms. 

“I got them, Birdbrain. Sending out our location now,” he scans the clearing as he’s walking back towards Bucky and Wanda and then a look of confusion crosses his face. “Wait, where’s Cap?” 

Wanda sniffs and looks down. “I think we should wait until everyone arrives, Tony.” Tony doesn’t like the sound of that. Bucky stands up and offers a hand to Wanda. She takes it, but falters slightly when she gets back on her feet. 

“Woah there,” Bucky says as he steadies her. “Tony, you got anythin’ in that fancy suit of yours that can patch Wanda’s head up?” He needs to stay busy. He can’t wait around and do nothing while Steve’s being dragged around by some asshole Nazi that was supposed to have been incinerated seventy years ago. 

Tony scoffs. “What do I look like, a roaming CVS?” Bucky shoots him a look. “Fine, fine. Hold on,” he mutters. Bucky knows he always has bandages. Tony hates bleeding. “Here, Frosty. Catch.” Bucky catches the little first aid kit Tony throws at him with one arm, the other making sure Wanda doesn’t fall over. He puts it in between his teeth as he lowers Wanda to the ground again before spreading out the surprisingly wide assortment of medical supplies in the kit. He cleans the gash on her head as gently as he can before putting butterfly bandages on it. 

The entire time, Tony paces behind them, his suit clanking loudly. Wanda flinches as his steps echo across the clearing. “Tony. Tony would you cut it out, you’re hurting Wanda’s head.” Bucky snaps. 

Tony has the decency to look embarrassed and makes his way over to them. “Anything I can do to help?” Bucky scowls at him because of course he would ask to help after Bucky’s finished patching her up. 

“Look, there’s Sam. The rest can’t be much farther behind,” Tony says suddenly as Sam comes into view over the trees. 

“Where’s Steve?” Sam asks as soon as he lands. Bucky makes a distressed noise. 

“They’re waiting until everyone gets here to tell us. Because that definitely makes the situation better. Not like I’m over here worrying my ass off imagining all the scenarios that could’ve...” 

Bucky tunes out his nervous chatter as he sees Natasha and Clint jog out of the woods. They both look worried as they make their way to the group. Natasha takes one glance at Bucky’s face, Tony’s rambling, and the way Wanda is cradling her bandaged head and sighs. “Care to explain what happened? We need to get Wanda to Bruce on the quinjet. And where is Steve?” 

“He’s gone. Red Skull is back. We got outnumbered and the punk went with him to save me and Wanda.” Bucky tells them what happened as succinctly as he can. 

“Woah woah like _The_ infamous Red Skull that tried to take over the world during World War II?” Clint’s eyes are huge as he clarifies. 

“Yes. That’s what Wanda said. I was out of it and don’t remember much of what happened, but they’re gone.” Bucky tries to steady his voice, but it cracks anyway. “We gotta find him. They can’t be that far yet.” 

Natasha’s face softens. “Bucky we’ve been trying to find you for a little over three hours now.” Her voice is gentle, but Bucky still freezes and clenches his hands into fists. He squeezes his eyes shut. 

“I was out of it that long, huh?” It comes out more bitter than he meant it to, and he doesn’t look at the pitying faces his teammates give him. He needs to find Steve.

“Hey man it’s not your fault. Steve can hold his own. He’s gonna be --” Sam is interrupted by all of their comms coming back online again in a flurry of static. 

“Well it’s a nice little surprise that this thing still works. Great job on the tech, Stark. You really outdid yourself.” 

“ _Rumlow_ ,” Bucky hisses. He would know that voice anywhere. 

“Don’t bother tracking it, we’ve already taken care of that. Totally untraceable.” There’s a muffled shout in the background -- _Steve’s_ muffled shout, they all realize in horror. “God, forgive me. I need to take care of this.” Moments later, there’s the unmistakable sound of bone crunching and Steve cries out in pain. Bucky practically growls and a few of the others curse under their breath. They hear Rumlow talking to another person before he comes back to the comm. 

“What do you want, Rumlow?” Natasha asks before anyone can lose their temper. Schmidt being back is bad enough, but now Rumlow too?

“Hi Natasha,” he laughs. “I’ve got everything I want right here. We’ve got your precious Captain. You aren’t going to find us. We can do whatever we want to him.” Steve shouted something in the background again. “Is the Asset listening? Make sure he hears this for me, would you?” 

“Don’t, Buck! Don’t--” Steve’s shout gets cut off by the sound of a punch. 

“Shut the fuck up, Rogers,” Rumlow sounds annoyed. 

Steve spits. “I can do this all day.” The satisfaction Bucky feels at hearing Steve say that is quickly stamped out. 

Rumlow practically growls. There’s a fight, then everything is quiet for a moment before the screams start. Bucky’s never heard Steve in so much pain before in his life. What the hell is Rumlow doing to him? Bucky hates this. He was supposed to keep him safe. He was supposed to protect him and not let him do anything stupid and he couldn’t even help his best friend. He doesn’t even know what they’re doing to him.

“Don’t worry. We don’t plan on killing him any time soon.” Rumlow says before stepping on the comm. Bucky doesn’t even react to the shrill shriek of white noise it sends into his ear. 

\---

The team scours the area for any sign of Steve, but comes up empty handed. Wanda tells them in more detail what exactly happened as Bruce bandages her head again on the quinjet. By the time she tells her story again to Fury during their debrief, she’s practically asleep. Bucky half-carries her back to her floor where Natasha is staying to wake her up throughout the night. 

“Hey, Bucky?” Wanda slurs a little from where she’s tucked into his side with her eyes closed. “We’re gonna find him, right? We’re gonna find Steve?” 

Bucky cracks a grin as he looks down at her. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “You know we’re going to, Wands. We have to. He’s our Captain.” 

“He’s more than your Captain though, isn’t he?” Her eyes crack open to look at him. She looks sad. Bucky’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, but he stays quiet. “I’m sorry, Bucky,” she mumbles. 

“Hey now. You’ve got nothin’ to apologize for. Let’s just get you up to Nat, okay? You deserve some rest.” Bucky guides her to her floor and finds Natasha already setting out her pajamas. He doesn’t stick around much longer after he makes sure the two of them are okay. 

As Bucky heads back to his floor he thinks about what Wanda had said. _Of course Steve meant more to him. They’re best friends after all. That’s all she meant, right?_ His thoughts are cut short when he swings the door open to their apartment. He takes a look around and realizes just how _empty_ it is. Steve has a way of filling every room he enters with sunshine. His stuff is still strewn about the living room. His sketchbook is on the coffee table. His mug is upside down by the sink. The book he’s reading is still on the end table. But there’s a certain coldness to the atmosphere because Bucky knows he isn’t coming home tonight. It’s too still and it’s too quiet and Bucky’s reminded of the first time he took Steve back to his apartment after his ma died. He shakes his head to try to get rid of the memories. 

Bucky passes Steve’s room on the way to his own and sees Steve’s bed is made like always. A pair of the thick socks he always wears to bed are thrown on top of the covers. Bucky can’t handle it and goes to see who else is awake. He knows he won’t get any sleep tonight anyway. 

\---

Three weeks later, the first mission without Steve goes horribly and completely sideways. Fury put Stark on point. Said he was taking a chance and he better not fuck it up. The problem was that Tony was used to Steve calling the tough decisions and making the sacrifice plays. The whole team was. 

So when a group of thugs working for A.I.M. ransacked a corporation to steal intel and left 25 civilians dangling from a rooftop and 15 others on the top floor being held at gunpoint while the intel was being downloaded 12 floors below, Tony didn’t know what shot to call. 

_Steve would save the civilians. Steve always saves the civilians._ “Alright. Nat, Bucky, Wanda, and I will handle the hostages. Clint go intercept those thugs and for God’s sake don’t let them get that flashdrive out of the building.” Tony says. 

“Uh. Don’t you think I should have some backup?” Clint sounds a little incredulous. 

“There’s too many civilians in danger. You can handle a couple guys stealing computer intel. We don’t have time to argue about it. Just go.” Clint grumbles but follows his orders and the rest of the team makes their way up the skyscraper to help the hostages. But a few minutes later, Clint’s yelling over the comms again.

“There’s more than a couple thugs down here, Tony, and these assholes are a good shot!” He heaves out. It sounds like he’s running. 

“Alright stay put. I’m on my way.” Tony replies. 

“Not an option right now!” Clint shouts back over the sound of gunfire. 

“Stark stay here. We need all the hands we can get in the air. I’ll go help him.” Bucky shouts as he takes down one of the men holding the civilians on the top floor. 

“But Nat needs your help. I’ll just be gone a minute. Besides, you can’t get down there as fast as I can.” Tony sounds like he’s trying to reassure himself that it’s the right move. The whole team seems unsure on this mission and they know it. They need Steve and the calm he brings when he gives orders. No one knows what they’re doing because Tony isn’t their captain and he doesn’t want to be his replacement.

“Do you need the Other Guy?” Bruce asks hesitantly from his position on the quinjet. Everyone stays quiet, waiting for Tony’s answer. 

A bomb goes off somewhere near the top of the building and they all hear the screams. 

“Dammit!” Tony mutters.

“What’s the call, Tony?” Sam asks. “We need to do anything about that blast?” 

“Is this a Code Green?” Wanda shouts. 

“I don’t know!! I don’t know! I don’t know where the bomb was. I’m trying to find Clint!” 

“I can see three civilians from this window. Looks like they’re about four floors down from here. Someone needs to grab them before they fall.” Natasha says. 

“Ah fuck this is a mess,” Bucky mutters as he runs to the roof. “I’ll cover the roof for now if someone else gets them.”

“I’m on it,” Wanda says. 

There aren’t any casualties in the end, but there’s too many civilian injuries to count. Wanda ends up with a black eye and and a fractured wrist. Clint got hit by a couple bullets. Sam sprained his shoulder catching someone in the air and Bucky has some broken ribs and a few knife gashes. Tony and Natasha were the only ones that came away relatively unharmed. They didn’t even manage to stop the flashdrive from getting to A.I.M. Now they’re sitting in debrief, bandaged but still hurting, and getting yelled at by Fury. 

“What the hell was _that?_ ” he shouts, throwing a hand up and giving a vague gesture to the outside of the Tower. It was silent for a few moments. 

“That’s what happens when our captain isn’t here.” Natasha vocalizes what they were all thinking. 

“Well I’m gonna need you all to pull your act together. The world hasn’t stopped turning just because Rogers isn’t here. There’s still evil out there and you all are the ones qualified to handle it. So get your shit together. Stark, you’re still on point for now.” Fury glares at all of them. 

“Look, with all due respect, I don’t think Tony oughta be leading. Sure he’s fucking brilliant, but the only place he can focus on more than one thing at a time is in his lab.” Bucky gives Tony a sheepish half-smile as he says it to make sure he knows he wasn’t trying to be rude. 

“Alright then Barnes. You do it.” Fury says in a clipped tone as he walks out. Bucky just gapes after him.

\---

Bucky thought they would be able to find Steve quickly. Stark has top of the line technology and SHIELD has intel coming in from millions of sources. Working together, they should have found him in a matter of days. Captain Steve Rogers is, after all, their number one agent in the field and leads the only team of superheroes that Bucky knows about that’s capable of defending the world from disaster. He’s also their best strategist and helps plan who-knows-how-many missions for other agents. It’s pretty imperative that he be found. 

That and Bucky can’t fucking function without him. 

“Come on man, eat something.” Sam dries off his hands and pushes a plate in front of him. “You’re not going to do a damn thing for Steve if you don’t keep your strength up.” Bucky knows he’s right. Sam is usually right. But he just doesn’t have an appetite. He looks down at the plate of eggs, bacon, and grits that Sam fixed and decides he should at least try.

“You know everyone’s as worried about you as we are about Steve, right? You’re kind of scaring us,” Sam says quietly “You can talk to us. About anything. We’ll listen.” He looks at Bucky for a second, then goes back to washing the dishes. Bucky sees it for what it is: an invitation to talk, but also an out. He doesn’t have to talk if he doesn’t want to, and Bucky will forever be grateful to Sam for that. Bucky shoots him a small smile and mechanically picks up his fork and starts eating. 

“How’d you do it?” Bucky finally asks. Sam had finished the dishes and was sitting next to him at the kitchen’s island. 

“Do what?” Sam’s eyebrows furrow. 

“How did you look for me for so long without losing hope?” Bucky’s voice cracks a little, but now that he’s started the words just keep tumbling out. “It’s only been two months and I feel like I’m drowning, Sam. He looked for me for the better part of two years. You both did. And he was still leading the damn team. How did you do it and still function?” Bucky’s throat constricts, but dammit he’s _not_ going to cry. 

Sam’s looking at him like he’s been in this situation before. “Bucky, I don’t know how much Steve told you about those two years, but they were _not_ pretty. Yes, the determined asshole dragged me halfway across the world at even the slightest hint of a lead on your whereabouts. Yes, he spent literally all of his free time scouring newscasts and intel and files that might lead him to you. But every single time we landed in a shitty motel because we couldn’t find you or anything related to you, Steve was a fucking wreck. If I hadn’t practically shoved food down his throat he probably would’ve accidentally starved. He pushed himself too hard and didn’t sleep nearly enough. You know how much he was struggling when he got you back. Picture that but ten times worse.” 

Bucky sniffs a little. He _does_ know how much Steve was struggling. It took him a while to get out of his own head, but when he did it was glaringly obvious how far down Steve had gotten. Bucky was used to Steve taking on the world, but he’d never realized how much guilt and responsibility his best friend carried around on his shoulders. They were working on it together. 

“Stop it.” Sam punches him lightly on the shoulder. “I’m not telling you that so you feel guiltier. I’m telling you that because I know you care about him just as much as he cares about you. Hell, y’all would go to the ends of the world for each other.” A few tears fall from Bucky’s eyes and the man wipes harshly at them with the back of his hand. “This is no different, Bucky. This is _Steve._ ” Sam puts his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. “You know he’s putting up one hell of a fight and isn’t making it easy on those bastards. Now it’s just up to us to bring him home.”

Bucky looks at Sam for a few moments, and then his mask of security slowly falls away. Ever since Fury put him in charge of the Avengers’ missions, Bucky has been trying to hide how much he’s hurting. He didn’t want his team to look down on him for being so broken up about it. But Sam’s looking at him without an ounce of judgement and Bucky’s starting to realize that his team understands just how much Steve means to him. As Sam pulls Bucky into a hug, he can see the rawness of that realization in his eyes. 

“We’ll find him, Bucky.”

\---

“What do you mean you want me to carry the shield? He’s not _dead!_ ” Bucky is exasperated and furious. He can’t be Captain America. That’s _Steve._ If Bucky wears the suit and carries the shield it would be like giving up all hope that they’d ever find him. 

“Listen, Barnes.” Fury seems to be at the end of his rope, too. “The world needs the stars and stripes right now. People are asking questions. They need to see the shield in action again.”

“So let’s _find Steve_ and they can have him back!” Bucky shouts. 

“You and I both know we’re no closer to finding him than we were three months ago. You’re already leading the team. Just change your suit and carry the damn shield.” Bucky’s eyes flare in anger and the muscle on his jaw jumps. “It’s not forever, Barnes. It’s just until we find him.” 

“I’m not doing it. I’m not taking that from him, too.”

Natasha ambushes him in the hallway a few days later. She glances him over and blatantly says “You look like shit, Barnes.” 

“Awe shucks, Nat. Thank you,” Bucky drawls sweetly. But then the mock smile drops off his face and he stops walking. “What do you want?” 

“Why won’t you carry the shield?” 

Bucky narrows his eyes at her. “You talked to Fury.” It’s not quite an accusation, but it’s close. 

“Technically, he talked to me. Wants me to ... _persuade_ you.” One corner of her mouth tugs up in a smile. Bucky glares harder at her and crosses his arms over his chest. “Hey, hey. You know I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to do. Fury can shove it. I just want to know why you don’t want to do it.” She puts her hands on her hips and looks up at him. 

Bucky runs a hand through his hair. He’s not going to win a stare-off with Nat. “Look,” he sighs, “If I wear that suit it’s basically saying I’m giving up hope that he’s ever coming back. I’d replace him and the fucking world wouldn’t care about him anymore because they’ve got their national icon back. No one cares about _Steve._ Since he got big, it’s only been Captain America this and Captain America that. I can’t -” Bucky breathes out heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose. “I’ve never seen him as Captain America, Nat. He’s always been that scrawny kid from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight. I’ve gotta protect him, because he won’t do it himself.”

“Bucky, you don’t believe that do you?” He bristles and opens his eyes to look at Natasha. She grabs him by the arms. “It might not look like it, but every single person on this team cares about Steve. Yes, it took us too long to realize that everything we were taught in school about him didn’t match up to the man that came out of the ice, but we know the real Steve, too, Bucky. And I feel completely confident in saying that he would want you to be Captain America while he can’t. You know he would. So stop being scared and carry the damn shield already.” Bucky’s shoulders droop in defeat. He knows she’s right. Natasha searches his face and waits until he looks at her. “But if you’re doing this, you’ve got to change the suit up. Steve might be able to pull off that much patriotism, but we all know you can’t.” 

Bucky huffs out a laugh. “What do you think about adding some black to it?” 

\---

They get a lead four and a half months after he was taken. Bucky and the team take out an entire Hydra base and bring in several higher-ups for interrogation, but there’s no sign of Steve. The team makes it back to the Tower and debriefs with solemn expressions. They had all gotten their hopes up. 

Natasha finds Bucky later in the gym. He’s working a punching bag relentlessly when she comes in. “Hit it any harder and Tony’ll have another project to work on.” He’s already reinforced the bags twice. Bucky stops and looks at her. “You eaten yet?” He numbles a no. “Good. I brought burgers.” Natasha holds a brown paper bag out to him. They sit on the edge of the sparring mat and unwrap their food.

Bucky manages a small smile. “Thanks.” He puts his hand on her knee. “Really. I mean it, Nat.” 

“Someone’s got to make sure you’re functioning alright. Because apparently this team can only be led effectively by someone from the forties.” Bucky’s cheeks heat up at the compliment. He was still getting used to leading them on missions. He didn’t feel like it was his place to be giving orders, but they were getting the job done and that’s what counted. He and Natsha eat in companionable silence for a few minutes. 

“Yasha...” Natasha starts hesitantly, “... Have you prepared yourself for the worst?” Bucky knows exactly what she’s talking about. 

_What happens if we can’t find him? What happens if we’re too late? How long are you going to keep this up?_

He knows because the same questions have been running through his head recently and he can’t bring himself to answer them. 

Bucky puts his burger down and lets out a long sigh. “I don’t think I have, Nat. I don’t think I could ever be prepared for that.” 

\---

“It’s been a year!” Tony yells as he starts running the scans on the files Bucky brought him. “Twelve whole months and we still haven’t found him. I’m not saying we should forget about him, Bucky, I’m not. But you can’t keep living like this.” They’re in Tony’s lab. The team hasn’t had a mission in what seems like forever and it’s been awhile since the last lead on Steve’s whereabouts. Everyone is getting antsy. 

“Look, Stark. I don’t care if you help me, but I’m not giving up on him.” Bucky tries to stay calm. “He’s my best friend. I can’t just stop looking for him.” 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m sick of this ‘best friends’ shit, Barnes.” Tony waves around the screwdriver he’s holding. “You and Steve both pulled that card and I’m calling bullshit. I love Rhodey, but I’d never stick my neck out this far for him. Finding Steve has completely consumed your life. And finding you consumed Steve’s life! Why don’t you just tell us, huh? What’s holding you back?” 

Bucky’s hands are shaking. “Fine,” he says quietly. 

“What?” Tony’s eyebrows shoot up. He wasn’t expecting Bucky to actually admit anything.

“I love him, alright?” Bucky explodes. “I love Steve and I’ve loved him since we were kids. I loved him when I went off to war and thought I’d never see him again. I loved him when he found me in Azzano after I’d been tortured by Nazis and I loved him when I decided to join the Howling Commandos instead of go home to New York like I could have. I loved him when I fell off that fucking train in France and I loved him when they made me into the Winter Soldier and I’ve never stopped loving him since. But that doesn’t change anything! I’ve always been too much of a coward to tell him and now I might have really lost my chance.”

Tony’s standing in front of Bucky like a fish out of water. He blinks a few times. “Shit, Bucky, I’m sorry. We’re not going to stop looking. I promise, alright? I shouldn’t have said that.” 

Bucky opens his mouth to say it’s fine, but a loud ping interrupts him. 

“I’m so sorry to interrupt, sirs, but it would appear that I’ve found a lead on Captain Rogers’ whereabouts.” JARVIS says. 

Tony and Bucky look at each other. “What are you waiting for?” Bucky says impatiently, “Pull it up. Pull it up. JARVIS, can you call the team down?” 

“Certainly, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS’ reply is as polite as ever. Tony shakes himself and starts pulling up the information.

The two men stare at the screens in front of them for a moment. “JARVIS, on second thought, tell them to meet us at the quinjet in full gear. Fifteen minutes until take off.” 

\---

“I got ‘em. I got ‘em. Right wing of Basement Sub-4,” Bucky doesn’t think twice about smashing the lock and barging into the tiny cell. What he’s not expecting is for a malnourished, dirty and bleeding Steve to scramble away from him with sheer terror in his eyes. 

“Not again,” Steve’s shoulders slam into the corner of the room harshly as he croaks out, “Please. Not again.” 

_Good God, Stevie. What did they do to you?_

Steve looks like he’s been to hell and back. His face is badly bruised and there’s a long gash trailing from his left temple to right below his cheekbone that’s still sluggishly bleeding. He’s cradling a mangled wrist close to his body. His once-tight undershirt now hangs loose and is stained with too much blood. There are a few tears in it that reveal the hideous patterning of lacerations and bruising that covers his chest and stomach. He’s barefoot, but still wearing his tattered uniform pants. 

Bucky’s heart breaks. He stretches out his hand towards Steve like he’s approaching a scared dog and takes a careful step forward. “Heya Steve. It’s me. It’s Bucky.” 

“It’s not. S’not Buck. Please,” Steve squeezes his eyes shut and vehemently shakes his head. He tries to make himself as small as he can and presses himself impossibly closer to the wall. Bucky is afraid he’s going to hurt himself more. 

“You’re okay now, Steve. Everything’s gonna be alright,” he crouches down and watches Steve shake in fear, “I need you to look at me, Stevie.” When he says that nickname, Steve freezes and his blue eyes shoot open. His gaze locks onto Bucky’s face. “There you are,” Bucky gives him a small smile. 

For half a second, Steve allows the flicker of hope that had been extinguished weeks ago to blaze full force again. None of the not-Buckys had used that nickname before. He searches this Bucky’s face for something, and then his eyes sweep over the rest of his crouched form. He takes in the stars and stripes on the top of his uniform and the shield peeking out from around his broad shoulders. He seems so familiar but different this time and Steve’s heart _aches_ for his Bucky. But he shakes his head and comes to his senses. His face twists into a grimace and he looks away from the man in his cell. 

“Stop,” he begs quietly, “Stop doing this.” Steve’s eyes are filled with pain and mistrust. Bucky tries to move closer to him, but when he stands up Steve flinches violently. Bucky never wants to leave Steve’s side again, but he knows when to cut his losses. 

“Hey. Hey it’s okay, Steve,” he takes a few steps backward with his hands raised in surrender, “I’m gonna leave now. You’re gonna be okay, pal. Don’t worry.” He backs out of the cell and gently nudges the door shut with his foot. He manages to get a few strides down the narrow hallway before he slams his metal fist into the wall with a shout of frustration. Here he was, having found Steve after so many months of searching, and yet he’s completely unable to help him. He feels useless and heartbroken and has more hatred for Hydra than ever before. 

“I need someone to come get Steve,” the rest of the team had been respectfully quiet as they listened to what happened in the cell. 

“We’re done up here. Be there in five,” Natasha breaks the silence, “Medical’s on their way to you now. Both Schmidt and Rumlow are taken care of.” 

“I’ll get evac ready to go,” Clint adds, “Let’s get our boy home.” 

“How bad is it, Barnes?” Sam asks hesitantly. 

“Fucking awful,” Bucky growls, “He recognized me, but they must have fucked with his mind so much that he associated me with whatever the hell they’ve been doing to him. And he looks goddamn awful. Probably needs stitches all over his torso. There’s a gash on his head that’s still bleeding. One of his wrists looks broken. It’s like the Serum hasn’t done shit.” 

“ _God_ ,” Tony chokes out. 

“And he’s... he’s... _small_ ,” Bucky squeezes his eyes closed as his voice breaks, “Not as small as before the serum, but he’s... lost a lot of weight.”

Everything’s quiet in the hallway for a moment before Bucky hears Steve let out a broken, hitched sob. And that does him in. He slides down the wall he’s leaning on with tears streaming down his cheeks. Steve never cries.

Natasha finds Bucky a few minutes later with his face in his hands. She makes sure he can hear her steps coming down the hallway and he sucks in a huge breath, harshly wiping at his eyes. Steve wouldn’t want him crying, would he? Natasha gives him a half smile and offers him a hand. He takes it and lets her haul him to his feet again. 

“He’s alive. We’ve got him back, Yasha,” she whispers into his chest as she wraps her arms around him fiercely. She doesn’t give him enough time to return the hug, already moving down the hall towards the sound of quick footfalls. 

_They may have gotten him back, but this Steve isn’t the same as his Steve and it terrifies him._

Tony, Sam and Wanda round the corner with worried faces and Bucky hurriedly mimes for them to be quiet. He doesn’t want to scare Steve any more than he already has. 

“Sam, I think you should be the one to talk to him,” Bucky says softly, “He was terrified of me, so try to be careful. Don’t let him think you’re there to cause him any harm.” Sam squares his shoulders and nods. “Even as roughed up as he is right now, I’d bet he can still put up a decent fight,” Bucky says. He tries to smile and softly claps Sam on the shoulder. 

“I got him, Barnes,” Sam nods knowingly, “Don’t worry.” 

“How can we help?” Tony asks, wringing his hands together like he can’t stand not doing anything. 

“I don’t think overcrowding his cell would be beneficial, Tony,” Natasha says quietly. 

Tony’s shoulders slump a little and he runs a hand through his helmet hair. “God, I fucking hate Hydra. The bastards.” Bucky hums in agreement. 

“His mind,” Wanda speaks up, “It is ... different.” Her eyes are unfocused and dimly glowing red. Her brows furrow. “Oh Steve,” a tear slides down her cheek and Bucky has to look away. 

“Our ride is ready when we are,” Clint says into the comms. It spurs everyone into motion. 

“Roger that,” Sam says as he starts down the hallway.

\---

“Hey man. It’s Sam,” he says as he edges the door open and slides into the room. Steve still shies away from the company, but Sam can see the recognition in his eyes.

“Sam,” Steve breathes out. Some of the tension in his shoulders relaxes. 

“Yeah, Steve. It’s me,” Sam says as he makes his way towards him, “What do you say we get you out of this place?” 

“Leave?” Steve tenses up again, “I can’t leave. Please. Not Sam, too.” 

Steve tries to move farther away from Sam, but he doesn’t have anywhere to go. His eyes are unfocused and he doesn’t let himself hope that the Sam standing before him is anything other than another hallucination. If he expects it, they won’t be able to hurt him like they did with Bucky. There were so many times where Bucky would come into his cell just like this and offer an escape. He’d be everything Steve remembered about his best friend and would help him out of the cell only for Steve to realize they weren’t really leaving. That it wasn’t Bucky. They were just taking him to --

“STEVE!”

His eyes shoot open and take in the man crouching in front of him. Sam’s hands are hovering in the air between them, afraid to touch him for fear of making things worse. 

“Listen to me, Steve. I am _not_ going to hurt you. I am here to break you out of this godforsaken place and bring you _home_. Clint’s got the quinjet ready to go and all we have to do is get you on it. Everything else is taken care of already.” Steve furiously shakes his head.

“He always says that. Don’t believe you. He always says we’re goin’ home.” 

“Who? Steve, who says that?” 

“B-Buck,” Steve’s voice breaks miserably and he looks at Sam with tear-filled eyes, “Please don’t take Sam away from me, too.”

“Goddamnit, Steve.” Sam’s already reaching for him. He can’t stand it anymore. Screw what he should probably do in this situation, Steve needs some comfort. “We aren’t going to do anything to you Steve. No one can hurt you anymore. You’re going to be alright.” Sam keeps giving him assurances as he pulls him into an awkward hug. Steve is stiff at first, but after a few minutes, Sam feels him begin to relax. He pulls away a little to look at him and his heart sinks. Steve isn’t looking at him. His eyes are unfocused again and his face is resigned. 

“Steve?” Sam tries. He doesn’t get a response. “Steve, man, I’m going to move you, okay? Tell me if something hurts.” He gently puts Steve’s unhurt arm over his shoulders and wraps a hand around his waist. It can’t feel good for Steve’s injuries, but he doesn’t protest. He’s completely pliant in Sam’s arms. When Sam stands up, he’s surprised at how light Steve is. Bucky had said he’d lost a lot of weight, but this is insane. He glances at him again. Steve’s face is scrunched in pain and his knees are shaking. They make their way towards the door and get into the hallway. Bucky is talking with someone from the medical team. He looks their way and his shoulders slump in relief. Steve seems to perk up a little at all the noise outside his cell and looks down the hall. His eyes float over the rest of the team and latch onto Bucky. 

“No. No no no. _Please._ ” Steve starts struggling in Sam’s grip and tries to get away from him. “You were lying. You were lying. Please not again.” 

Something shoots through Bucky’s heart at the look that crosses over Steve’s face when he sees him down the hallway. He can’t stand this. _Steve is afraid of him. Steve doesn’t want him near him._ It hurts. It throws something within him completely off balance and Bucky feels lost. 

This is how Steve must have felt when he came back as the Winter Soldier. 

Wanda’s hands on his chest bring him out of his head. She’s pushing him down the hallway, out of Steve’s line of sight. “It’ll be okay, Bucky. He just needs some time. We don’t want him to hurt himself any more. Come on.” 

Bucky blinks hard. Right. He needs to leave so Steve can get help. He can do that. “I’ll be fine, Wanda. Go help him. He needs everyone right now.” Wanda gives him a look like she wants to call him out, but she decides against it. 

“You need someone, too. They can keep us updated over the comms.” She gives him a half smile.

“I guess some Steve is better than no Steve, huh?” He chuckles bitterly. 

“Oh Bucky.” Wanda reaches up and cups his face in her hands. “He’ll come back to you. Just be patient. After all, you came back to him, didn’t you?” 

Bucky knows she’s right. He’s always been a little too self-centered. Now it’s up to him to do the same thing Steve did for the Winter Soldier. He can fix this. He _has_ to fix this.

**Author's Note:**

> If anybody wants to Beta for me, I'd love you forever and bake you imaginary cookies (you don't want real ones that I make, trust me.)


End file.
